Monday, 30 November 2009

Luck of the Irish wore out. Get over it.

Nobody likes a sore loser.

When West Ham controversially stayed up in 2007 thanks to a goal by Carlos Tevez, who was owned by god knows who at the time, a few people raised their eyebrows and muttered that they wouldn't like to be Sheffield United, who went down instead. But then they remembered that West Ham had already suffered a stonking fine for fielding a player who had irregular paperwork, the authorities had looked into things and considered themselves satisfied, and that you cannot possibly single out one player as being the sole reason for a club's fortunes.

Sheffield United were rightfully aggrieved, but in the name of christ, they were still arguing about it two years later. Lawsuits, appeals, letters to government, and currently the club is still looking at a multi squillion pound fine that is severely hampering its financial position and still threatens to kill West Ham stone dead. Nobody likes when the fates seem to be against them, but the endless court action, telling anyone who will listen that the game is crooked, that it was anybody's fault but theirs that they couldn't beat Wigan at home, does more harm to the game that an Argentinian bloke who signed a dodgy contract in his infancy because he didn't want to live in the mud any more.

I fear the same scenario may be happening with the Republic of Ireland. The fact that the officials missed Henry's handball is a disgrace, the fact that Ireland were forced to play a big team in the play-offs is a disgrace, but asking for an extra place at the World Cup is one of the most ill-thought out, petulent and ridiculous requests I have ever heard in football.

I won't even go into the logistics of how this would work, because in no way could it possibly do so. But I will say this; as hard as their defeat was to take, Ireland have no more right to be in the World Cup than any of the other teams who came so near and yet so far. Take the Henry incident out of the equation and Ireland still hadn't won the game. Defeat was snatched from the jaws of a penalty shoot out they may well have lost.

There are many ways for Ireland to vent their frustration. Sue FIFA for seeding the play-offs at the last minute. Or lobby for video technology to be used. Personally I'm very uneasy about letting video into football - it isn't a stop-start game like tennis, cricket or rugby, and I fear that it would be used first for goalline decisions, then for corners, then to answer a player every time he raises his hands and questions a decision. Football is an unpredictable game of human error, which is what makes it dramatic, and although standards of refereeing could be significantly improved, the controversy that they inevitably provide is something I would really miss if it were gone.

The time has come for Ireland to accept that, whether we like it or not, football can be very cruel, but on the pitch these things can happen, and maybe the next decision will go in their favour. If they really can't let it go, then surely their battle is to ensure the authorities prevent this kind of injustice from happening again, not to be awarded entry into a tournament they didn't qualify for in the first place.

Thursday, 26 November 2009

Champions League

The more I watch of this season's Champions League the more I feel there could be a new name on the trophy in May. Admittedly my top two choices, Arsenal and Chelsea, aren't exactly unknown on the big stage, but there are no past winners doing a lot to impress anyone at present.

United were, for the most part, rubbish last night, and showed, as they did in their FA Cup semi against Everton, that their youngsters are not yet good enough for these types of games. Not Foster, not Brown, not Anderson, not Welbeck, not anybody. I'm sure Sir Alex will be well aware of this, but my worry is that some of these boys play for England.

Chelsea look frightening at the moment - there is no better squad in the Champions League and they seem capable of scoring at will. Firm favourites for me, behind a free-flowing Arsenal who, despite a fairly easy group, are utterly destroying everything in their path. Which is a hard habit to break.

But then you have the surprise packages. Bordeaux are showing themselves to be tactically superior to the likes of Bayern and Juventus, and they look like they could go anywhere and score goals. With one of the best young managers in the game, I'd expect them to sneak through against the likes of Madrid who can't get a consistent team out two weeks running. And what price Fiorentina? Probably the most impressive Italian team so far, they have largely senior, experienced squad (Zanetti, Dainelli, Mutu) with quality young players like Jovetic supplying the creativity - could turn a few heads if their home form continues to hold up.

The other one for me is Sevilla, who have my favourite striker in world football, Luis Fabiano, in their ranks. But interestingly, it's their defence that has proven the most powerful force. Jointly with Barca and Real, Sevilla have conceded the fewest goals in the Spanish League. If they can take that kind of record into the knockout stages, whilst keeping their stars fit at the other end, they have as good a chance as anyone. Watch this space for a Man Utd v Madrid final then.

Monday, 23 November 2009

Tottenham v Wigan and why Crouch has to start for England

Wigan fans have been offered their money back for coming to see their 9-1 defeat at Spurs. Not sure that will make anyone feel much better. Certainly won't fill the hole in their midfield.

The headlines are about Defoe getting 5 goals, but the Spurs striker who made the biggest claim to start for England, in my opinion, is Peter Crouch. The amount of space he created for Lennon and Defoe was unreal, and at times he was holding off two, three challenges at a time before playing one of them in.

When a big man doesn't play for England, Rooney drops off and tries to play spectacular 40-yard balls to the likes of Darren Bent and Defoe who are running around on their own against the back four. It doesn't work. Crouch can win the high balls, but his passing is also sharper than Heskey's, and needless to say he has infinitely more prowess in front of goal.

Crouch needs to play so that someone other than Rooney can do the dirty work. Doing that also frees Rooney to take on centre-forward responsibilities, then Defoe can jump on in his place when we need some pace. Surely it's an obvious choice given his record?

My England XI based on the current state of things:

Green, Johnson, Ferdinand, Terry, A. Cole, Lennon, Barry, Lampard, J.Cole, Crouch, Rooney

The lighter side of flooding

Flooding is no laughing matter. But surely the fact that the village of Cockermouth is getting so much press must be making the newsreaders chuckle. They try and get round it with that bollocks 'cockermuth' pronunciation - don't patronise me BBC, we know how it's said.

Anyway it got me thinking about a few other headlines that would lose their edge if they happened to occur in the following places:


'Lighning Strikes Thundergay'
'Serious drought in Cock Pond'
'The burning of Bell End'
'Army deployed to save Twatt'
'Woman missing in Muff'

Sunday, 22 November 2009

Hull 3 West Ham 3

I'll take that. Admittedly, we are one on of a select group of special teams who can NEVER relax, irrespective of how far we are in front. And for I would say the fourth game in a row we have been by far the better team. Do we have 12 points then? Do we hell.
Still, I'm seeing more positives than negatives. Defence needs work, but I'm liking the look of Da Costa and feel he could fill in at right back for the absolutely pointless Julien Faubert. We're hard to beat, and the beauty of West Ham is that rule applies just as much to Arsenal and Man Utd as it does to Hull and Wigan. Three points next week at home to Burnley and I think we'll have seen our last of the bottom three.
Bolton are the new side occupying 18th, and losing 2-0 at home to Blackburn is about as poor as it gets. Megson has got his side playing worse football than even Allardyce managed, and his signings are so poor it's almost hilarious. Sam Ricketts? Mark Davies? Elmander? Can't see them scoring a goal at the moment, never mind picking up points.
As I type Tottenham have gone 8-1 up against Wigan. Kirkland definitely deserves an England call.

Thursday, 19 November 2009

Les Jammy Bastards

I went to sleep last night dreaming about how much I hated Thierry Henry. I was resolved that in spite of the fact the referee should have seen it, if you do something like that in a game, even by mistake, you should own up. One of my favourite moments in football was watching Paolo Di Canio pick the ball up because the opposition keeper had got himself injured - I started to believe that this was the only way to play the game.

Then I realised, we all touch things instincitvely without meaning to. I won't go into specifics, but if you give it a minute's thought you will surely agree. And getting away with it brings a special kind of euphoria, no?

So Henry is off the hook for me, now that I've calmed down. What is leaving the worst taste is the fact that, secretly, Fifa will be loving every second of this. Since their disgraceful decision to seed the play-offs, their agenda has been clear; make sure the big teams get to the world cup so we can sell more shirts to the Africans. With Ireland up in arms (and let's be honest, few other countries can put on a strop quite as well), Blatter, Platini et al can lap up the headlines they're getting, then with the world's media on them, say that football is a funny old game and that is why we love it, and that maybe France would have won on penalties anyway. The fact that Ireland should never have been forced into a nearly impossible play-off will not be raised, nor apologised for. My only comfort is that Domenech, the man who believes Sidney Govou is more of a potent striker than Karim Benzema, will still be at the helm in July. They won't make it out of the group.

With regards to goalline technology, I may be the only person in the world sitting slightly on the fence. Maybe there is some beauty in the human error in football. Not when you're on the recieving end of course, but any fan can think of an example when a dodgy goal has been given to their team and they're loved it all the more to see the look on the keeper's face. In reality, missing a handball like Henry's is one in a million, and even a computer could stuff it up that often. A goalline official would have spotted the offence in a second, but when these people appeared in the Europa league, they had the piss ripped out of them.

My worry is that one technology leads to another, and the next time I'm screaming at the ref he can turn to me and say, 'It's not me mate, it's the machine.'

If the roles had been reversed last night, I'd have laughed myself to sleep. When Carlton Cole handles on the line on the last day of our season when we need a point to stay up, I don't want to see goalline technology anywhere within a hundred miles. My only enduring emotion is sadness, that the team who suffered this incredibly rare injustice happened to be one of the sides Fifa deemed unworthy of qualifying for the world cup in the first place.

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Trains

It's an old and well-worn argument, but if train services are getting persistently worse, surely a price hike is ill-advised?

Every month, I get a train from Reading to Swansea on which I can't breathe, let alone find a seat, for three-quarters of the way. I'll have to keep getting the same service next year, only difference is, it'll cost me a few quid more. Except it won't, because I'm getting a car and polluting the planet before I squeeze past another bloke in a suit shouting into his Blackberry to say his train will be an hour late.

Train travel is overcrowded, overpriced and thunderously late, and it doesn't need to be. The argument will probably be made this week that if people paid their fares rather than dodged the guard, prices would come down. I live in a bumpkin town in Surrey - people have the money to buy tickets but with no barriers and no guards, why bother? Stick a barrier in front of every entrance to the station (there's only three, one's a hole in the wall) and you solve the problem.

You don't even need to employ staff at the gates - if people don't buy a ticket they can't get on the platform. Easy. Then you start to make enough money to add more carriages, fix the tracks properly and avoid having to squeeze more out of commuters who, if they went to a small claims court, could successfully sue train companies for the negligence, delays and just overall shiteness that is associated with so many journeys.

Monday, 16 November 2009

Time to change the Wales boss

Forget Scotland, the man who should be vacating his post this week should be John Toshack.

Let's face it - with Scotland's current squad there isn't a lot of hope, perhaps Alex Ferguson could get them fired up enough to reach the playoffs but that's about it. Wales however, have their best crop of players since Southall/Giggs/Hughes/Rush era, but are no closer to a groundshare with Bristol City than they are to a major tournament.

In friendly matches, the team displays so much quality it makes your head spin. I remember last year when they stuffed Norway, I thought they could really kick on and challenge in their World Cup group, but straight away they go and balls it up in qualifiers when the result actually matters.

The way I look at it is: if Wales keep Toshack they will continue to lose to Finland and Slovakia at home, and find themselves fighting for 3rd in the group before you know it. Without him, they will probably lose the ability to develop players like Ramsey, Ledley, Church, Hennessey in the first team. So let's stick him upstairs in a director's chair while the team are on a high, and bring in more of a quality tactician who can bring in some consistency. Suggestions? Maybe a non-Welsh for a change; Rijkaard wouldn't be a bad shout, not that he'd take it.

Sunday, 15 November 2009

Michael Jackson live seance

The most unbelievable piece of fucking shite I have ever seen. And I only saw the last ten minutes.

I've seen Most Haunted a few times - seems a fairly relevant way to entertain/terrify the bewildered and depressed - people who don't believe in God but can't quite bring themselves to believe that spirits, ghosts and leprechauns don't exist. But this shit is unbeleivable -I'm actually asking myself, how dare they put this on?

Watch it on Sky on demand, there's four mental fans sitting there sobbing their eyes out while a sweating Scouser tells them that Michael now considers them his friends. Derek Acorah says he feels Michael's presence in the room - THERE'S FOUR TWATS SAT WITH YOU WEARING SPARKLY GLOVES AND FEDORA HATS - think that could have anything to do with it?! I turned on to hear Acorah muttering some bollocks about Jackson having a sore throat and a woman says 'That sounds like Michael'. What, on any level, does that mean?

I know a bit about the practise of contacting spirits and know it helps some people a lot, but Sky should honestly have to answer for putting this on live. A seance for Michael Jackson is the most exploitative way of flogging a dead celebrity that I can imagine. Acorah is a national joke, and he's given an hour to make up stories to fulfill the fantasies of four clearly unhinged individuals. By the end they are actually speechless, crying and shaking, promising to go back and talk to him again while June bloody Sarpong tried to interview them in the dying seconds before the ads. How do they do this? By going back to (and paying for) another medium, of course.

Anyone who genuinely believes in psychic mediums would surely agree that these experiences should be intensely private, spiritual even. Doing it live on Sky reinforces that this sort of thing is done only to entertain others. Which means that Acorah is exploiting his clients (customers? students? whatever you call them) and jumping all over a dead man's grave to make a fast buck. If I was a member of the Jackson family I'm pretty sure I'd be fuming.

Saturday, 14 November 2009

I'm not racist but..

An African team can't win the World Cup.

At the start of the qualifiers, the odds on Egypt winning the World Cup were 1500-1. The African champions. For a tournament in Africa. I was very tempted to put a few bob on that one, then decided against it.

Each African team will, I believe, qualify from their groups. More and more, the European teams are finding themselves ridiculously nackered after playing in every cup / league/ european game their countries have to offer, and the home crowds will get them through on adrenaline. From a tournament point of view, that'd make from some cracking last 16 ties.

But then you have the tactics. People like Bryan Robson and John Barnes coach these teams. It's still all about tricks and spectacular goals from 85 yards. The keepers are hilarious, and are just as likely to kick their centre-back's head off as they are to catch a cross. The best centre-back on the continent is still probably Rigobert Song. Or that Booth bloke who could get outpaced byPeter Crouch.

When it comes to the last 16, is there any African team that can keep their focus for 90 mins, commit the odd professional foul without getting sent off, adjust to a new formation mid-game or win a penalty shootout? Don't think so - therefore I can't see any home nations making the last four. But I hope to God I'm wrong x

Raymond Domenech

If I were France manager - there team would pick itself:

Lloris

Sagna Gallas Mexes Evra

Diarra
Gourcuff Ribery

Henry

Benzema Anelka

How different will tonight's team be? Apart form the enforced ones through injury, I fully expect to see Toulalan, Sissoko, Govou and christ knows who else starting at Croke park. Why does Domenech still have a job in football, of any sort? He gives the young players absolutely no chance (Nasri has 15 caps in nearly 3 years, Clichy just 3) and couldn't pick his nose the same way twice. Despite a team featuring Keith Andrews, Sean St Ledger and Kevin Kilbane, Ireland are well worth a punt tonight, and to go through overall.

Quick play-off predictions:

Ireland 1 France 0
Portugal 2 Bosnia 1
Russia 3 Slovenia 0
Greece 0 Ukraine 0

Brazil vs England

Wouldn't want to be a club manager this weekend. From a playing point of view - what is the point of this friendly? Qatar will be hotter than the sun - and the World Cup is likely to be cold in South Africa. As in Japan, we'll boldly chase Brazil for 60 minutes before collapsing from sheer exhaustion, allowing the likes of Ramires to actually look good. Lampard's already looking at two months out (although I flew economy this weekend - didn't stop me stretching my legs) and Terry looks unlikely too. Effect on the Premiership? Potentially huge. Effect on the 2010 World Cup, disregarding the various business lunches over 2018? Nil.